Bad Mom for NOT Breastfeeding?

Many mothers want to breastfeed before giving birth. Or they think it's so natural that it comes easily to everyone. The reality is different. Many mothers struggle with breastfeeding or don't want to breastfeed at all. The reason is not important and shouldn't be questioned.

FEEDING METHODS

When a mother cannot or does not want to breastfeed, she has several methods available to feed her baby. She can use a spoon, a cup, an SNS system (tubes), or a bottle, which is the most commonly chosen method, especially if there is no breastfeeding at all. In cases of combined feeding, the other mentioned methods are also more commonly used.

The mother also has a choice of what to feed her baby with if she's not breastfeeding. This can be expressed milk, donor expressed milk (which is not abundant here as we do not have an active milk bank), or infant formula.

BOND WITH THE CHILD

Some breastfeeding mothers are strong advocates of the idea that breastfeeding is the greatest bond between a mother and child. This might be true, but it might not be... Some mothers who bottle-feed their babies have a much stronger bond than some breastfeeding mothers. From this, we can conclude that the feeding method does not solely define a mother's bond with her child.

If a mother understands that feeding her baby (in whatever form) is much more than just providing nutrients, her bond with the baby will certainly be strong. The more the baby feels heard, the more satisfied the baby will be. If the mother reads her baby's cues, listens to the cries, and identifies which needs are unmet, a stronger and deeper bond will develop between them. This way, the mother will notice any discomfort in her baby (including during feeding) and follow the baby's rhythm.

They will understand each other more and become more connected. Therefore, a mother should be present during feedings. Every mother, regardless of the feeding method, can be deeply connected with her baby.

MOTHER'S FEELINGS

You may face judgment, whether from others or yourself.

• JUDGMENT FROM OTHERS

Someone might criticize or judge you. They might express it through words, looks... Know that a person who judges a mother based on her feeding method is not worth your attention. Try to ignore and overlook them. This judgment reflects more on the person judging than on you. They likely have unresolved issues of their own. If someone frequently continues judging, you can calmly remove them from your life. You don't deserve this. If it's a close person and physical distance isn't possible, set clear boundaries. Let them know you don't want to hear this and that they should keep such opinions to themselves. Stand up for yourself, setting a good example for your child, who learns most of all from what they observe.

• SELF-JUDGMENT

Mother, do you sometimes feel terrible for not breastfeeding? Is it difficult to watch breastfeeding babies? Is it hard to listen to breastfeeding stories? Do you feel like people look at you strangely when you bottle-feed? Do you sometimes console yourself that your child will be okay, even if not breastfed? Do you resent your body for not managing to breastfeed? Have you thought that you didn't do enough to breastfeed? Do you feel guilty? A sense of failure because you don't breastfeed? Are you afraid that you and your baby aren't bonded enough due to not breastfeeding?

..........

You might feel any of these. You might grieve the breastfeeding that wasn't (or wasn't enough). But mom, don't give in to these feelings! Don't let them overwhelm you! Let them come... and go. Let them pass through you. Don't hold onto them.

Don't judge yourself. At the time you wanted to breastfeed (or not), you did everything you could. And that makes you the best mom for your child!

How you feed your baby does NOT define you as a mother! You're not a lesser mom because of how you choose to feed! No one knows your story in detail or the battles you've fought within yourself...

Always remember, you did EVERYTHING you could and knew how to at that time. Everything.

You've given your child EVERYTHING.

...........

Repeat to yourself: I AM THE BEST MOTHER FOR MY CHILD.

Love yourself.

You are a wonderful mom <3